Reason # 3,612... Part 2

Reason # 3,612... Part 2... RockStars...

Bean had Field Day at her school today... 

I played hookey from work part of the day so that I could be there with her...

AMAZING.

The interaction that she has with the kids from her school... Her peers are loving and patient and protective of her...

This was something that I really needed to see after yesterday...

Thank you to this awesome group of kiddos that are not "Little Bastards"... You guys are Freakin' Rockstars!!!!!!

Thank you for being a group of kids that I am confident will become the type of adults that I want to see in this world...

Reason # 3,612... Part 2

Reason # 3,612

Reason #3,612.... Those Little Bastards...

Had another one of those moments yesterday... One that broke my heart...

Had to run some errands at he mall.  Decided to let the kiddos run around in the indoor play area to have some fun and let off some steam before heading home...

Bean was doing backflips and JJ, as always, found a group of boys to clown around with...

I let my attention lapse for a few minutes, and when I looked up, I could not see Bean.  I stood up and started to run around the area calling for her.  I finally found her curled up under a waterfall structure... Crying... Sobbing..

I pulled her out and tried to calm her down.  I asked her what happened... Did anyone say something or do something to her???  She just sobbed and said that she "made the other kids scared."  She told me that the next time we come to the play area, she will just go under the waterfall structure so that the other kids don't have to see her...

I looked around to see what kids were nearby... I saw kids looking sheepish... I saw kids looking upset that they may have been wrong... I saw one Dad down on his knee sternly speaking to his child while pointing in our direction...

This should have been an opportunity to be an educator...

But, sometimes I just don't feel like taking the high road... I just don't feel like parenting 'your' kids...

I took the low road... I glared like the devil at every one there that did not step up... I felt them cower in discomfort... In my heart, I wished them harm...

I scooped up my kids and we ran...

We ran for the comfort of being away from them...

When we finally sat, I looked Bean in the eye and I told her, I vowed to her, that she is AWESOME...

"You are so amazing and strong and beautiful.  You possess love and laughter and life.  Those kids are STUPID and POOPYHEADS!!!!! They are vain and ugly... They do not deserve to have someone as awesome and amazing and funny as you in their lives... It's their loss... Those little bastards..."

She laughed... Still crying, but laughed...

Not my proudest Mommy Moment... But, you know what... This is life.  

This is our life...

I asked her today if she wanted to talk about it and she had seemed to have forgotten about it... But, it makes me wonder what kind of memories she will hash up in the future...

But, at least today, I have this amazing, funny kiddo...

Reason # 3,612 

Reason # 3,602

Reason # 3,602....

Bravery:

\ˈbrāv-rē, ˈbrā-və-\

The act of being brave...

Part 2

At the doctors office discussing having to put the trach back in:

Scene:  Bean is almost 10 years old and my vow to her is to keep her actively involved in all of her sugical decisions.  My vow to her is to keep her #1 involved in the decision making process.  Unless it is 'medically neccesary', she WILL have a say in whether or not we go forward with a procedure...

We KNOW that it is 'medically neccesary' to put the trach back in, and she is on board...

Putting back her feeding tube is another issue.

We have the option of an 'ng tube'- A tube that will run through her nose into her stomach.

Pros: No surgery needed

Cons: She will have a tube taped to her face for several weeks.  Will need to be taped in place. With her latex allegy and skin sensitivities, may cause some rashing or scarring.  If it comes out, we will need to go to the hospital to have it placed again with xrays and much discomfort...

We have the option of a 'g-tube'- a tube placed directly in her tummy. (she had had these placed twice before)

Pros: Once it's in, it's in.  If it comes out, I can put it back in.  No hospital trip (barring complications)

Cons: Surgery.  Her body rejected her last g-tube placement- constant infections and acid leaks... Hopefully we can keep this under control this time...

The feeding tube, either way, NEEDS to be placed, to administer food and meds...

 Her decision is to put the g-tube back in...

That is bravery...

She is making a choice and weighing her options...

As an adult, I cringe at giving blood or getting a collegen shot....

Yet, she takes it all in with a dignity that astounds me...

Maybe that is what this post should be about... Dignity...

I will save that for what we have in the weeks ahead...

Reasons Why I Love...

Reasons # 1,348 and 3,595...

Reasons # 1,348 and 3,595...

There are days that are extreme highs and there are days that are extreme lows...

Then, there are all of those days in between...

Days when life just happens... Days when Bean gets super excited about wearing a special shirt... Days when JJ decides that his Batman shirt is cooler than anything else in the world... There is nothing really special going on.

We eat breakfast.  We pack lunchboxes.  We decide if it's braids or hair down.  We decide which car is the coolest one today. We get dropped off.  We go to work.  We come home.  We eat.  We do homework.  We have our night time rituals.

But sometimes.... Just sometimes... During the course of these 'ordinary' days, something extraordinary happens...

Maybe it's as simple as someone holding the door for you.  The person in car line who waves you in.  The barista making a smiley face on your coffee.  Topping off the tank in your car just minutes before the price goes up 6 cents a gallon.  

But, there are also times that it is truly, truly extraordinary..

When someone reaches out to you and extends an offer that is so generous and thoughtful and selfless that you just stop in your tracks.  You are moved to tears...

I'm reminded today that there are people in this world that are amazing and generous... We are all in this world together and it makes it so much better when we really do 'pay it forward', instead of that just being a tag line on our facebok pages...

Please take the time today, and every day, to make it extraordinary... Not just for yourself, but for those around you...

Thank you to those 'someone specials'... I hope that I can remember, everyday, to follow your lead...

Reasons # 1,337 and 3,584

Reasons # 1,337 and 3,584

At what point do you let your children become your caretaker?

Some would argue: Never.

Some would argue: In old age.

After today, I would argue: When we need care, we take care of each other.

Who would imagine that a nine year old would be the mother figure?  Who would imagine that a three year old would take the doctor role?

I recently hurt my shoulder.  To the point that my left arm was useless.  I couldn't clothe myself without crying.  I could barely brush my own hair.  I could not lift my children to hug them.

It is temporary and getting better.  But, it threw a huge wrench into our lives...

I don't think I ever counted how many times a day I pick up my kids to hug them.  Or, how important it is to hug them both, with both arms.  How freely I scoop up a backback in one arm to hug a child with the other arm when picking them up from school.  How heavy a lunchbox can feel when your other hand is holding your childs hand.

Today, I realized all of that and more.  I realized that my children want to be much more responsible than I give them credit for.

From the moment thatI picked JJ up today, he has asked me to kiss my shoulder about twenty times... Kissing makes boo boos go away... He has asked if I needed a bandaid as many times... Bandaids make everything better... (He doesn't get the latex allergy thing... That's another post... LOL)

While making dinner, I was wincing in pain and probably more grumpy than I should have been.  Bean kept coming over to ask to help me and I just kept shooing her back to the table... "Just get drinks..."

I never really considered her offer to help...

When we sat down, she began to cry.  Sob.  Heaving.

"Mom... I'm a big girl... I'm supposed to help you... You're hurt and I can help you... Why can't I help you?"

Baby Girl... You're right.  You ARE a big girl.  You are such a blessing to me and I need to swallow my pride... You need to see that i hold you in great value, in my life and in our family...

After dinner, I went to lie down in bed with an ice pack and Bean entertained JJ with a movie... After the movie, we all got ready for bed...

JJ kissed my shoulder and Bean was officially put in the role of BICWMID... Bean In Charge When Mom Is Down... She is very proud of herself and I am even more proud...

I don't think that she realizes that with great power comes great responsibilty...

Tomorrow, she is being put on Dish Washer duty...

Reasons Why I Love...

Reason # 3,575

Reason #3,575....

Observation Week at Beans Dance Studio....

Tonight, I got to watch my girl...

Backstory:  I had been introduced to this particular studio because they offer an AMAZING dance class for Special Needs Dancers.  A Company called "Dreams Come True Dancers".  I thought that it would be a great fit for Bean.  Hearing Impaired, Non-Vocal, Multiple Surgeries, PT, OT, ST... Definitely not a typical kid to go into a typical dance enviornment.  I was fearful of how her hearing loss would affect her ability to enjoy the music and to participate.  On the day that we signed up, the owner of the studio took one look at Bean and proclaimed, "NO!"  She insisted that Bean be signed up for the 3 year old class... And we have never spent a moment looking back...

She's been taking dance for 5 years now.  She has progressed fram taking a simple "Creative Movement" class to participating in Ballet, Tap, Jazz, Hip-Hop, Acro and, most noteably, her schools Performing Company "Legacy"... 

She is surrounded by a group of teachers and students who are full of life and joy and passion...

As the years progress, I am filled with pride at her eagerness and her determination.  There are moments that just make my heart swell out of my chest.  There is one recital moment that I love to watch, both on the dvd and in my mind, over and over again.  The girls are performing to Toni Basil "Hey Mickey" and Bean has a brief moment that is all hers... Parents in the audience have watched her progress through the years and in that moment, to steal a sports phrase, the crowd goes wild!!!!  You can hear the audible cheer as Bean completes her cartwheels!  AMAZING!!!

Tonight, I watch these girls as they perfect their craft.  They are precise in their moves.  They are strong in their core.  They are passionate about the music and the movement...

Bean has the same passion, but as I watch her, it strikes me... She doesn't have that same precision and strength...

It makes me a little sad, but it also fills me with love...

I learned a new word today... Duende... My girl is "Tener Duende"... "Having Soul"... She may never be the best, but she will always love it the most... She will always be the one who puts her soul into it...

She is the Reason Why I Love...

Daily Reasons...3,572, 1,325 and 14865...

It's been a while since I've actually blogged, so I figured that I would share the last few Facebook updates...


February 4, 2012
After a really crappy day, it's nice to be reminded of the other side... My Mom called me tonight to ask me if I remembered what tomorrow was... I honestly had no idea of the date... 2/5/1971... The anniversary of the day that my adoptive parents brought me home... 41 years of being loved by the people that CHOSE me... Thank you Mommy and Pop... You have guided me through life and helped me be the person that I am today... You've helped me become the Person and Mother that I am and I am proud to have you in my corner...


February 3, 2012
I love that Baby Boy gets excited... About everything. Even if he's not really sure what that thing is, in his mind it's exciting. He squeals and laughs and jumps for joy...
In honor of Superbowl Weekend, JJ's Daycare had "Jersey Day" today. We are not a family that follows sports, but Bean LOVES the Miami Dolphins, so JJ got to wear a Dolphins jersey today...
He gladly and excitedly proclaimed to everyone that we came across this morning that...
"This is my shirt... Dolphins.... Gonna shoot a basket!!!!"
hahahahaha!!!!!!! I sooooo love this boy ♥


January 31, 2012
I can think of nothing that I love more then snuggling with the kiddos to wake them up in the morning... Still feeling warm from being wrapped in blankets... Half-asleep, groggy whispers of "Good Morning Mommy"... Watching the first smile of the day emerge...


January 27, 2012...
They are having "Snow Day" at JJ's day care today.... Basically a huge pile of crushed and shaved ice that the kids get to play in until it melts... JJ was so excited that he borrowed a pair of Ellie's 'glubs' to play in the snow... When we pulled in this morning the truck was there with two guys offloading the pile of snow... JJ ran over to the truck and yelled, "Mom! Mom! It's Snow!!!! And Snow Men!!!" hahahaha I love this boy!!!