Reason # 3,304

Background: I've been going to the same grocery store for over 10 years.  Many of the employees are the same and we have shared alot over the years.  They have all watched Ellie grow and thrive over the years.  She has become kind of a mini celebrity/diva around the store.  We've all shared stories about our kids and grandkids and families... I really thought that I knew them all...

At the grocery store earlier, I noticed our checker had a large bandage over his left ear.  I asked him what had happened.  he told me that he had just had BAHA surgery.  I was shocked!  I had never seen him wear a hearing aid.  I've never seen him use sign language and his speech is perfect.  I immediately turned to Ellie and asked her if she had heard what he said.  She looked at me blankly so I repeated to her about his BAHA.

She is very self conscious about her BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid).  It's not about wearing a hearing aid.  It's about wearing a hearing aid that is so much different than other peoples.  I can't tell you how many times she has begged me to get a BTE (behind the ear) hearing aid so she can be like everyone else with hearing aids.  It breaks my heart to try to explain to her that it's just never gonna happen...

She immediately perked up and started signing "Me Too!!!"

The checker turned to me said, "I never realized that you guys signed..."  He signed to both Ellie and I to spell our names in sign... We both did and he just smiled this huge smile!  He and Ellie exchanged a few more signs...

I told him that I never realized that he had any hearing loss and he showed me his right side BAHA, which perfectly matched his hair color and would never be seen if not specifically looking for it... I complimented him on his speech and it was clear that it was something that he was very proud of...

I turned and realized that we were holding up a line of people and quickly apologized to them for being stuck behind us, but they were all drawn in by our exchange and were waiting patiently.

After checking out, we made our way to the car and I asked Ellie what she though and she told me that it made her happy to meet someone with the same hearing aid.  Although it seems small, I know that it means alot to her...

I'm simply amazed that sometimes you can be casually involved with someone for years and never, ever really know the most basic things about them, or what their impact will be...

Reason # 3,304

Reason # 1,046

Over the last few weeks, John John and I have developed a special morning routine...

Mornings are hectic in our house... there is no total 1:1 time....

Bean and I have about 5 minutes of 1:1 time when I wake her up... Snuggles, cuddles, time to wake up....

JJ gets: Get up, get dressed, lets make lunch boxes together, OMG we're late....

LET'S GO!!!!  It's Frantic and Hurried... 

Flurry of back packs and lunch boxes and agendas that need to be signed and where is your permission slip and what?  You needed cookies today?  You needed themed napkins and plates today?  You needed a signed donation slip for the charity of the month?

In the car... On the ride... Bean gets dropped off... We get to Johns school...

"I want a snack"... We sit outside of the front door of J's Daycare.   

Sometimes for a minute... Sometimes for 30 minutes....

We sit and share a snack and we greet all of our friends as they come in...  Some friends (Holden and Caroline) get intimate hugs... Some friends (whose names we don't know) get the door held for them and wishes of a good day...

There is a flurry of "Good Morning" "Thank You" "Good Job"...

JJ goes in to his day feeling Happy and Satisfied.... I know that when I have to leave, he is safe and treasured...

I see other parents dragging their kids in- fuming that they have to get to work, or don't embarrass me by whining/crying, and I wonder if they could just take 5 minutes to make both of their days better...

Other parents have asked me why I sit on that bench every morning... and I gladly respond... I want to have that few minutes with J... I want him to know that this is OUR time... Everything else can wait...

He is my Reason... 1,046

Reason # 3,289

I've spoken before about Beans awesome laugh and how infectious it is.  Well, underlying her laugh is her awesome, quirky sense of humor.

She has this amazing ability to make anyone laugh.  Sometimes she is silly.  Sometimes she is sarcastic.  Sometimes she is just sassy.  Regardless of her delivery, she is remarkably and uniquely funny...

Two exchanges that happened today...

(prelude:  Bean LOVES knock knock jokes...)

Driving in the car to Doctors office:

Knock Knock.

Who's There?

Crazy.

Crazy Who?

YOU!!!!!!!

Followed by her crazy, funny, rapid-fire laugh... I cracked up pretty hard, too... 

(prelude: At local, very well renowned Doctors office)

(prelude: Bean has lost alot of feeling in and around her mouth due to nerve damage from surgeries)

Doctor and I are discussing the need for diligence in checking Beans mouth for sores because she won't complain about it until it's severe...

Dr:  "Yeah, she's a tough cookie."

Bean kneels up in the chair and quickly signs something.  Doctor looks at me because he doesn't understand.  I didn't quite catch it so I ask her to repeat.  This prompts her to kneel up taller so that she is face to face with Doctor.

Bean is now signing and vocalizing in her sassiest tone.

Bean: "Hey! Don't call me COOKIE!"

The room falls silent because no one talks to Doctor like that... Until he explodes in laughter and the whole room just follows suit...

Her humor and confidence are the Reasons Why I Love...

Reason # 1...

The 1st Reason...

I've never been a fan of country music, but when I was pregnant with Ellie this song was new on the radio.  It became my mantra for her.  I never could have imagined how true or real it really would be...

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder 

You get your fill to eat 

But always keep that hunger 

May you never take one single breath for granted 

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed 

I hope you still feel small 

When you stand by the ocean 

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 

I hope you dance"

A few weeks before Ellie arrived into our lives, my pregnancy started to get complicated.  I don't need to go into details, because we've all had our share of bad stories and I don't need to dwell on mine...My birth story is not a happy, flowery one.  My OB induced labor at 34 weeks due to distress.  When he finally broke my water, there were jokes of the hallway flooding... laughter all around... then a rush to the ER... Being rushed under sedation...

I was not awake for Ellies birth.  I came to much later- Sick from the rushed anesthesia... Frantic from not fully understanding Ellies condition.  It was he middle of the night and I would not see her until the next day.

I remember so many Doctors coming at me and just throwing information at me... Outdated, misinformed medical journals...  An evil nurse who made me feel badly... Feeling guilt and shame before I had even seen my daughter for the first time...

I was in so much pain from the emergency C-section, but I clearly remember my first walk from my room to the PICU.  It seemed like it was miles away.  I remember the first time I saw her... The deepest, most sage brown eyes... Eyes that held lifetimes of knowledge in them...

They told me that she wouldn't breathe... She did...

They told me that she wouldn't eat... She did...

They told me that she wouldn't thrive... She did...

My girl does not sit it out...

She dances...