Reason # 1...

The 1st Reason...

I've never been a fan of country music, but when I was pregnant with Ellie this song was new on the radio.  It became my mantra for her.  I never could have imagined how true or real it really would be...

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder 

You get your fill to eat 

But always keep that hunger 

May you never take one single breath for granted 

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed 

I hope you still feel small 

When you stand by the ocean 

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 

I hope you dance"

A few weeks before Ellie arrived into our lives, my pregnancy started to get complicated.  I don't need to go into details, because we've all had our share of bad stories and I don't need to dwell on mine...My birth story is not a happy, flowery one.  My OB induced labor at 34 weeks due to distress.  When he finally broke my water, there were jokes of the hallway flooding... laughter all around... then a rush to the ER... Being rushed under sedation...

I was not awake for Ellies birth.  I came to much later- Sick from the rushed anesthesia... Frantic from not fully understanding Ellies condition.  It was he middle of the night and I would not see her until the next day.

I remember so many Doctors coming at me and just throwing information at me... Outdated, misinformed medical journals...  An evil nurse who made me feel badly... Feeling guilt and shame before I had even seen my daughter for the first time...

I was in so much pain from the emergency C-section, but I clearly remember my first walk from my room to the PICU.  It seemed like it was miles away.  I remember the first time I saw her... The deepest, most sage brown eyes... Eyes that held lifetimes of knowledge in them...

They told me that she wouldn't breathe... She did...

They told me that she wouldn't eat... She did...

They told me that she wouldn't thrive... She did...

My girl does not sit it out...

She dances...