I call it her "machine gun" laugh. It reminds me of the loud, violent, all-encompassing 'bat-bat-bat-bat-bat-bat' of a machine gun... I wish that I had a better way to describe it. You really need to hear it in order to enjoy the hugeness of it...
Background: Bean was trached at birth and her vocal chords were, essentially, by-passed. I did not hear a sound from my daughter for years. I didn't hear her cry. I didn't hear her laugh. I didn't hear her speak. Not because she wasn't doing those things, but she had no voice... I could see her cry and laugh, but she was silent...
The first time I really heard her cry, she was 2 1/2 years old. It is a memory that I hold very clearly. I can't tell you the first time that I heard her laugh. My mind has blocked it. I think that my mind chooses to believe that she has always been laughing... And I've always heard her laugh...
When she was younger, I used to have this recurring dream... The setting was always different, but it always played out the same way. We would be going along in silence and she would suddenly burst out in some crazy, smart, beyond her years knowledge kind of stuff... In the moment, I am stunned, shocked. The dialogue was always the same...
"Ellie, You can talk!!!!!"
"Mom... I've always been able to talk... I just didn't have anything to say..."
And I wake up... Smiling.... Because *that* is my girl...
Tonight, we sat here watching this really silly movie, and she kept sprinkling the air with her "ha-ha-ha-ha-ha". Her face contorts with joy and her entire body heaves with such joy and abandonment...
Watching her tonight just filled my heart with joy and it reminded me of how far we have come...
I love you, Beanie... Reason # 3,260
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